Sunday, August 21, 2011

I am getting MARRIED!


 I haven't paid enough attention this since my first post. Part of that was because I didn't find a cool blog editor for free for Mac, so I am stuck with this generic look. Despite that though, I am very excited to announce I am getting married to the love of my life Brehona Shaelee Morris. After 6 years of dating I finally did the right thing and purposed to her. Before I get to far into any of this a background story is where I will start. Despite dating for 6 years I have known Bre for much longer we met when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman at Meridian High School. I was not lucky enough to actually date her until she was a senior and I was out of school living with my friend Marco.
 In the end though, the wait was obviously worth it as now I will get to spend the rest of my life with her. She truly is a remarkable person, and I feel like we are the perfect team. No matter what life has thrown at us we have found a way to survive it. Even today we battle new challenges with health and schedule, but I know none of this will be a problem as long as we are together. I won't make this post to long, but I just felt like it was important for me to express my true joy over her accepting of my asking of her to be my wife. The date of our wedding is set for May 31st the day after our anniversary. It is also her lucky number as it is her birthday, and the number she wore for soccer all her life. The day may seem far away, but in reality it is only 21 months away and the average engagement is 18 months. We have a lot of planning to do, and I have a lot of preparing to do. We both have school to focus on and finish and we both have plans of major fitness overhaul before the wedding. But I have never been as excited for anything in my entire life. I have 2 of my friends flying in from VA that I have not seen in far to long, and I will be surrounded by tons of people that I truly care about as we celebrate the best day of my life. 21 months may seem far away, but there is no doubt that I will cherish every moment until that day gets here. May 31st you can't get here soon enough.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

My Life Right Now

 

This is my first blog, perhaps it will be the start to something therapeutic, or perhaps it will be another short lived hobby. I obviously hope for the therapy lord knows I could use it right now as I have been going through maybe the worst couple weeks of my life. It all started with a cracker believe it or not, just a simple slightly salted Ritz cracker. I was standing by my fridge and decided for a relatively healthy snack a lightly salted peanut butter covered Ritz cracker. I went ahead took a bite, and to my astonishment a sharp pain hit the right side of my jaw, forcing me to stop eating immediately.  Little did I know that little cracker would change my life up until this moment and possibly forever. 

See, after I took that bite of that cracker my jaw started clicking, popping and even for a few days locking. It scared and still scares the living crap out of me. So the first place I went was the internet, not a good idea. Simply put the internet is every anxious persons worst nightmare whether you have a cough or a splinter if you head to the internet as a nervous or anxious person you will only find answers that will ruin your day to say the least. Everything I found, did nothing but spin me into an anxiety attack that I wouldn't wish upon anybody. I have always suffered from anxiety, it has caused me lots of problems in life from lashing out at people I love for no reason to taking me away from school. And if you have anxiety you understand that the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do was go to a doctor, so I never did I always found a way out of it. My parents did get me to some doctors as a child, but fearing I had massive problems once I was there I would down play everything. Knowing deep down nothing I said was true.

Well, that little back story takes me back to this problem I am having with my jaw, and the internet induced fear and anxiety I find myself with. No matter how irrational I know the problems I have been dealing with are it never has stopped the feeling inside that I can't control. So I broke, I went to the doctor and he prescribed me Xanax the first ever medication I have had to deal with this life time anxiety problem. Not only that he was able to tell me some things about my jaw that I did not see online that helped a lot none more important than the condition I am dealing with only gets worse with... You guessed it stress and anxiety, and that most people at some point deal with this jaw problem and it goes away after time. I can't say that my jaw is better and that alone of course scares me, it still clicks in fact while writing this I had to pause because I move my jaw back and it did it again. I can however tell you the Xanax has changed my life for the better. I don't take it everyday only when things feel like they are to much, and that has only been twice since prescribed. But it has been a whole new world to be able to control those moments and not feel like I just need to get to my room and seclude myself in my bed.

Since going to the doctor, my life has been getting slightly better day by day. The jaw has shown improvement at least I am able to eat now. And it is really nice to know I have something to help me with my anxiety and that alone I believe has helped a lot in controlling the attacks. I am actually hoping this blog can help as well. Giving me an outlet to express myself in a way that helps keep me calm. It was a blog that in fact inspired me to do this blog, something about sharing those experiences can be liberating, so who knows maybe this won't be a short lived hobby after all.